


Ghosts

by KohtaKiller (Mqrkipooh)



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Cussing, Fluff, Gay, Happy Ending, IT'S REALLY ANGSTY, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Referenced therapy, Song fic, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, Therapy, Unrequited Love, ashton is oblivious, please tell me if I forgot some tags, trigger - Freeform, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 18:54:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6919102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mqrkipooh/pseuds/KohtaKiller
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But then it wasn't okay.</p><p>All starting with a slip of the tongue, his tongue to be correct.</p><p> </p><p>or the one where Calum is tragically in love with Ashton.<br/>But Calum is Ashton's rock.</p><p>// Song; Ghosts by PVRIS</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my dear Anna Sun for helping me with this a bit and telling me your thoughts on the parts I shared and for helping with my other fics too  
> Cashton af with this bc idk I was feeling cashtony
> 
> Enjoy this I thought it was gonna be short but I wrote it long accidentally.
> 
> I blame my friend M for my PVRIS addiction

'It's my head not my heart that strayed.'

 

Ashton Irwin, that's the name he knew by heart.

Every fucking syllable burnt into his brain, that's what happens when you spend almost 5 years with someone.

That's what happens when you fall in love with someone, what also happens is when you start noticing the little things.

How they laugh, how they carry themselves, how they talk.

How his laugh had dozen different types-ranging from school girl to 'guffaw' as he so eloquently put it-or how his eyes weren't one solid colour but dark greens mixed with light browns and gold streaks asymmetrically placed.

Everything about Ashton Irwin was beautiful, flawless because of his flaws, and to say the least; aesthetically pleasing.

In Calum's eyes, Ashton Irwin was so to say, perfect.

He had a crush on him, and at his age thought he fell in love with him, when he was only a lanky teenage boy-as was he himself too-only slightly taller than him.

Then they both grew up and that little 'I'm in love' crush grew and blossomed into 'I've been pining for 5 years and it still hasn't gone away and I think about kissing you and jumping you almost every day and I'm in love with you'. (which is a mouthful in his opinion but hey, that's what he thought and how he felt.)

That's how he found himself staring at the boy more times than not, sadly not oblivious to Ashton unfortunately.

It had been going on for years, Calum zoning out and staring at the Curly headed boy. That same boy feeling the eyes-metaphorically-burning holes into the side of his head.

When ever he'd glance over Calum snapped his head in a different direction or down at the phone in his hands.

But nobody mentioned it, and everything was okay! Well as okay as it could be in a situation like this, Ashton vaguely aware Michael and Luke sighing, huffing and teasing.

And Calum?

Calum, a love sick puppy with big chocolate brown heart eyes.

 

'I'm the one with the ghosts in my bed'

 

But then it wasn't okay.

All starting with a slip of the tongue, his tongue to be correct.

Seeing as though Calum wasn't a label type person and he just went with the flow, he dated all the genders but didn't want to pose trouble with calling his sexuality anything nor deal with it.

So he found himself a pretty little thing at the club, brought them back to his hotel room after half a night of grinding and fucked him senseless.

He didn't know he was a fan.

He didn't realise he called out Ashton's name when he came.

He didn't know the boy wasn't too blissed out not too hear him, god he didn't even hear himself!

He didn't expect a twitter 'rumour' to be spread from the boy-he didn't even remember his name-that he did just that, or that he did a guy at all.

Thankfully the guy didn't record anything, but all the boys new the rumour all the boys saw him leave the club and bring the little twink into his hotel room all the boys saw him leave the next morning limping with the devious smile and two of the boys gave him sympathetic glances.

Ashton, well Ashton did do anything.

He came to the emergency band meeting with their manager who told them they would clear up this situation but Calum had to go to lunch with Nia, and he thanked god no one believed the boy- he thought his name might be Nicholas but he blocked his twitter no doubt the other boy posting about it-and to not let this mess happen again.

But Ashton stayed silent the whole time, nodding his head rarely and scrolling through twitter.

Michael and Luke gave him a comforting pat on the back, no doubt he needed one after all the shit.

 

'I'm sorry I keep pushing you away'

 

It took days, almost a full week of tiptoeing around each other and basically walking on falling apart eggshells before Ashton broke the awkward silence.

They were finally on break so that helped, at the least.

He walked into the living room when Luke and Michael were out of the house and Calum was absentmindedly watching the TV, he sighed.

'Better now than never' or so Ashton thought.

He cleared his throat "Calum," shifting in place "Calum what the fuck?"

Said boys head snapped up at the older a voice, looking at him worriedly.

"Are you okay?" He asked the curly haired man in front of him, Ashton shook his head.

"No I'm not fucking okay," Ashton breathed in deeply trying to control his voice.

"We both know that what the boy said wasn't lies, Calum."

Calum bit his lip and lightly flushed, thankful of his dark skin and the dim lighting, but they could only do so much.

"W-well yeah, but I-I didn't say your name!" Calum stammered out defensively.

"Calum.."

Calum stood up quickly, adrenaline making the black edges of his eyesight disappear quickly and the head rush light.

"No, don't give me that condescending tone!" Calum clenched his jaw, he needed to lie straight through his teeth.

Ashton is freaked out over even the thought he said his name, and he is as straight as a board.

"None of this shit with this boy happened, okay?" Calum said when Ashton opened his mouth, walking closer to the shorter man.

"Calum me and you, the other two, even management! Fucking management! Knows that's not true!" Ashton retaliated, he needed to get his point out.

"We need to fucking discu-"  
Ashton was cut off by the other boy.

"Okay!" Calum blared out finally, he gripped his head with tears coming to his screwed up eyes.

"Okay! I did say your name! I'm in love with you Ashton! Did you hear that? I love you! I want to hold you and kiss you an-" Calum choked out a sob.

"A-and hold your hand!" He continued "I want to fuck you and maybe settle down someday!" He coughed, voice hoarse from yelling.

"But I just fucking love you, okay! I know that's fucked up, I know I'M fucked up! I should probably go and kill myself because I'm such a mistake." Ashton, albeit shocked into silence from the confession, gasped and the crying boys words and tears filled his eyes as well.

"There you go are you fucking happy?" Calum finished bitterly, waiting for a response and getting none he quickly shoved pass the older boy and out of the room and then the house.

 

Slamming the door behind his wake, Ashton finally blinked back the confusion of the other boys outburst.

"Oh no." He whispered into the quiet and empty room, he sat down slowly onto the couch.

Face in his hands he sobbed, he drove his best friend into thinking about suicide.

'Now you're up against the ghosts in my head'

 

It was hours later, after many unanswered texts and calls from all 3 boys that Calum finally came back.

He looked at the time on his phone, he'd been out for more than 5 hours, nearer to 7 actually.

He laughed sarcastically and quietly out loud, god he should've shut his big fat mouth and killed himself.

'Now I'm up against the things in my head'

He walked in through the door that was unlocked, he made a mental note to tell the boys about that and how a crazy fangirl could break in.

When he walked into the kitchen he was immediately pounced on by Ashton himself, red rimmed and blood shot eyes paired with a stuffy nose.

"Wh-where were you! You worried me!" Ashton asked with his faced stuffed into the taller boys chest, voice coming out slightly muffled because of that.

"I just walked around, are you okay?" Calum surprised himself on keeping his voice steady, he was blushing mad and not forgetting their previous conversation, shaking on the inside.

"Please just listen to me this time, okay?" Ashton asked softly after a few moments, apparently not disgusted with Calum.

Calum just nodded, not really wanting to speak at the current time. Letting the other boy drag him to the couch in the living room, Michael and Luke exiting the room short seconds after but not without giving Calum the Look and patting his shoulder just like after the meeting.

Ashton sat turned towards him, eyes downcast and playing with Calum's fingers.

After a few tortuous moments he cleared his throat, flicking his red rimmed eyes up to meet chocolate brown.

"You love me?" Was all he said.

Calum nodded his head to the mostly rhetorical question, gearing himself up for rejection.

"Okay..."

"Don't fucking say shit like that again." Ashton said, tone turning vicious fairly quickly.

Calum was knocked back at his words, eyes widening and filling with tears.

"I don't EVER want to hear you even BREATHE a word about killing yourself! You are an amazing person and we would be ruined without you, not even thinking about friends or family, what about the fans? For a lot of them you are their rock, including...including me!" Ashton burst out, his eyes also getting glossy with tears fairly quickly at that.

"You mean the world to me, I don't know what I would do without you." Ashton continued, taking a deep breath after speaking.

"I love you so much, I love you I'm not afraid to say it anymore. I'm in love with you too and when I heard that you said my name, you know during..yeah... I thought it was a sick joke then I saw the way you were acting and I was over joyed and what I'm trying to say is if you killed yourself I'd die and I love you like a lot I don't know where I'd be if I didn't mee-" Ashton's rambling was cut off by Calum slamming his lips on him, deepening the kiss he opened his mouth.

Ashton and Calum wanted to kiss each other forever, to make up for the loss time and for the blissful feeling.

Pulling back, both in need of a breathe Ashton looked deep into the other boys darkened eyes.

"I love you so much." Calum whispered, tears falling from his eyes.

"I know, I love you too." Ashton nodded, smiling even with his own tears.

 

And then after Ashton convinced Calum into therapy for his suicidal thoughts-to which he confessed he had for awhile-and after months of reassuring words and maybe some relapses in medication and self harm he finally made it.

Many tears were shed but with Ashton never leaving his side.

To the point of standing next to him on the alter with rings on each others hands, even.

**Author's Note:**

> Tbh the reason I put the therapy part in is bc suicidal thoughts aren't romantic, no sweet love making of kisses are gonna fix that.  
> Kudos make me :)  
> Comments make me :D  
> Have a nice day I am sorry this is shit


End file.
